Blue Line Hilarity

Today’s post is provided courtesy of my friend, guest blogger Martin Pangloss.

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My exhausted, alcohol-soaked brain had difficulty processing the excitement and danger while on the TTC last night.

Coming home from a concert in Toronto at 4 a.m. leaves you with one public transportation option – the Blue Line bus.

The usual back-alley resonant din of incoherent mumbling and singing was interrupted by a stumbling drunk unceremoniously entering the bus.

Barely able to stand, he began pacing up and down, challenging every patron with an absurd amount of aggression.

“EH MAN, ALL THIS BULLSHIT MAN, THAT’S ALL YOU GOT,” is what he yells at me with his crazed gerbil eyes. I ignore him. Thankfully he moves on to his next victim. This continued for a couple of minutes, his deranged anger frightening the other drunks. Thankfully the bus driver pulled over and started yelling,

“GET OFF THE BUS OR I’M CALLING THE COPS.”

“FUCK YOU, BITCH!”

“OKAY, IM CALLING THE COPS.”

“FUCK THIS! FUCK YOU! RRRGHBLRGHHHH,” were his departing words as he sauntered out of the back door.

I and the other degenerates began to feel a sense of peace until someone else got up and started yelling, “HEY, THAT WAS BULLSHIT! IF THAT GUY WASN’T BLACK HE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN KICKED OFF THE BUS!” Several people responded to this with a sentiment of, “No man…that guy was an obvious asshole. He was trying to fight everyone.”

Now, a new angry asshole started pacing the bus and saying, “NO, THIS IS A PROBLEM, THIS IS RACISM, THERE’S MORE GOING ON HERE THAN THAT!”

The understandably frustrated bus driver pulls over again.

“SIR, DON’T MAKE ME KICK YOU OFF THE BUS.”

He sits down for about 30 seconds, only to get back up to revive his angry tirade against the bus driver whom he accuses of being racist.

Exasperated, she slams on the brakes, and screams,

“SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OR IM CALLING THE COPS AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO HAVE TO GET OFF THE BUS.”

“-B-but…” he attempts to stammer a reply, but the entire bus descends upon him, pleading with him, “Please, man, just settle down.

Come on. Now’s not the time. Let’s just go. There’s no problem here.”

Crisis averted,

soap box dismantled,

we continued on our route.

Then, all of a sudden, everyone on the bus started singing “Let it be” in unison, and there was joy and merriment in the hearts of all present.

THE END

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Martin Pangloss’ blog can be found at

http://www.martinpanglossphoto.tumblr.com

What have your experiences been with the Blue Night Network bus? Waiting for hours in the cold? Putting up with drunken assholes? Please share!

Stay tuned!

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